


I need you (I love you)

by orphan_account



Series: Touch Starved Steve [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this in three hours because i felt touch starved and wanted to vent, Jealous Tony Stark, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pining, Steve is not, Steve's also an idiot, The Team is Smart, Tony's an idiot too but mostly steve, Touch-Starved, a little bit of, bromances, i hope you like this, idk - Freeform, not edited, physical affection, steve is touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 18:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Since he's woken up in the future, Steve's missed the closeness he's had with the people around him. He longs for a hug or any type of closeness. Who better than the man he's been falling in love with to give it to him?





	I need you (I love you)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 3 hours. Touch starved steve, enJOY

He was only there because he became desperate enough. It was foolish, he thought to himself. But he just really wanted a hug. So much so that he couldn’t sleep. With the team getting closer there were small touches few and far between, a simple pat on the shoulder, bump of hips. It wasn’t enough, however, he craved the more intimate ones. Hugging, cuddling, those kinds of touches. The close ones that meant trust, love, understanding. And apparently, in order to fix his longing, his sleep deprived brain had dragged him out of bed at 4am to this exact room.

Which he was currently standing in front of like a creep. With a false confidence that he managed to cling onto, he knocked.

He didn’t wait long for an answer.

“Steve?”

For a moment, he was at a loss for words. Tony’s hair was ruffled, and his expression bleary as if he had just woken up.

“Sorry, I can leave, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He turned to leave.

“No, Cap, wait. ‘S fine.”

Facing Tony, he tried to relax his posture after realizing he had subconsciously he hunched over, making himself smaller.

“Are you sure?”

Damn that cocky grin.

Tony leaned against the door as he scratched at his stomach, “Cap, Steve, buddy, we all know I have the worst sleep schedule. I’ve been asleep for maybe-”

“An hour, Sir,” JARVIS answered without even waiting to let Tony pause.

Tony snapped his fingers, “Bingo. However you should be asleep.”

Steve flushed, thinking it over again, it was so stupid. “I can’t.”

“Ah,” Tony responded, as if he understood.

Which he didn’t, or maybe he did, but Steve wasn’t going to find that out.

Stretching, the billionaire moved aside, “Well come on in then, it’s useless just standing out here. J, start the coffee.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at that as he stepped in, “You have a coffee pot in your room?”

Tony shrugged, heading straight for the sleek black machine. He pulled out two mugs and poured some for them both. “Well with all the late nights, gotta have something to keep me up.” He handed Steve his cup and fell into silence, not quite looking at Steve. The two sat, Steve against the back of a chair, and Tony against the counter.

It was such a superficial conversation but it was already calming Steve down. Just an easy, light conversation. Nothing deep, nothing emotional. But it was always easy talking to Tony now that they’d gotten over their ‘argue with each other over everything’ phase. Yet despite the ease and the content, Steve still yearned to reach out and take Tony’s hand, a hug, anything. It buzzed under his skin like an itch.

“Why the long face?”

Dragged out of his thoughts, he jolted and realized he had started frowning.

It’s easier to deflect, he reasoned, as he answered, “It’s nothing.”

It should have been the end, but instead the other man frowned. “We both know that’s a load of bullshit.”

Steve blinked, but didn’t say anything.

“God okay,” Tony sighed, running his hand along his face. He mumbled _God I’m not good with emotional shit_ so low that without the serum, Steve never would have heard it. Tony closed the distance, sat next to Steve, and placed and hand on his leg. “Look, Steve, you know you can talk to me right? I know I’m not, I don’t know, the best? At helping people with emotions. But I’m- I’ll try. I can at least listen if you just need to get something off your chest.”

All of Steve’s focus shifted almost entirely to the hand on his leg, so much so that he barely heard Tony. He nodded but soaked it all in. Tony didn’t even bother moving his hand even after he finished talking, and Steve desperately never wanted him to. The warmth from Tony’s hand soaked in, and the uncomfortable buzz under his skin faded just a little.

For a moment, the two were quiet.

And then Tony yawned, and pulled back his hand.

The moment broke, but it didn’t leave behind sadness, only content.

Steve finally looked up at Tony, and smiled, “Thanks, I’ll take you up on that. But I think you should get some sleep now.”

A mock pout was sent his way, “Aw sleep is for the weak, besides saying that makes you a hypocrite. You have to get rest too, Cap.”

“I will, and Tony? Really, thank you.”

\------

Nightmares are difficult things. One moment you’ll be drifting off into what should be a peaceful sleep, and next jolting out of bed, sweating, and screaming. Steve woke just like this, give or take a few tears. Not to mention he was so _cold._

He didn’t waste any time pulling back the covers and stumbling out of the room. With his body on autopilot, Steve wasn’t able to forget his dream, as his mind was unoccupied. Finally, he stopped. And before he had the chance to figure out where he was, a door opened.

“Oh god, you don’t look so good.”

He nodded mutely.

“Alright, come in, take a seat. I’ll be back in a moment.”

They swapped places, Steve rushing into the room, and Tony leaving. Steve collapsed into a chair.

It still was too cold, and he vaguely noted that he was still shivering- or shaking- but it was the same at this point. He craved warmth. Burying his face in his hands, he curled in on himself.

A moment later there was a clatter on the table next to him, and a warm, soft fabric draped along his back.

“Jarvis, turn the heat up a little, will you?”

The AI didn’t respond, but Steve could feel the shift in the air.

“Hey, Steve? You with me?” It was the most gentle Steve had every heard Tony’s voice be before.

He didn’t look up, but he did move his hands away. Tugging the blanket closer around him, Steve nodded.

“Alright good.”

It didn’t surprise him how Tony was handling this. It wasn’t the first time Steve had shown up here, as white as snow and just as cold.

“The ice again?”

Steve only nodded once more.

“Alright. I brought you some water and hot chocolate.”

Without waiting for Steve to answer, Tony sighed, slid into the chair next to him, and launched into a long, boring story, about the business meeting he had been in that day. It was their routine. Ever since that first night a few months ago, the one that had dulled the buzz in his skin for a while, the two had started going to each other when ever they couldn’t sleep. Steve would go to Tony’s room, and Tony would go to Steve. They would sit, drink, and talk. But rarely, rarely touch. If they did, it was the same. A hand on a leg or shoulder. The buzz that usually accompanied the longing for physical affection was strong, coupled with his need for warmth.

Steve cut Tony off, “Tony?”

A pause, “yeah?”

“Can I-” he looked for a less pathetic way to say it, but fell flat. “Can I have a hug?”

There was another pause, and then Tony was shifting off the chair, standing in front of Steve, and pulling him into a hug.

The angle was awkward for sure, but suddenly, for the first time since he’d come out of the ice, Steve was getting a hug. It made him tear up again, but he fought it down. Instead, he sighed contently, and pulled Tony further, gripping tight.

The genius tensed as Steve pulled him further, nearly onto his lap, but relaxed and said, “There you go big guy. I’m not that much of a hugger but since your-”

“Tony just shut up.”

“Righty will do.”

Finally, and reluctantly, Steve let Tony go. But Tony didn’t go far, he pulled up a stool, sat, and rested his hands on Steve’s knees.

That wouldn’t do, he mused, sure they were still touching but-

He reached down and took Tony’s hand into his own.

The man only blinked at Steve, and Steve could see the gears in his head turning. He started to pull his hand away from Steve’s knee, but Steve protested. Tony’s hand froze, but resumed its previous position.

“Hey, Steve, can I ask you something?”

Tony rarely said that unless it was serious. “Sure.”

The billionaire had this look on his face, the same one when he was figuring out a problem. “Are you by any chance, touch starved?”

What did that-

“What does that mean?”

Tony’s expression softened as he looked away. “It means that you haven’t had enough physical touch or physical affection that it's now this thing where you are desperate for touch and it makes you feel lonely or sad? Sometimes can feel like an itch or makes your skin feel uncomfortable and every time you are touched it seems to ease it? And the touch feels bigger than it should be because-”

“Yeah, I’m, yeah.” It made sense, and it felt like Tony was putting everything he was feeling into words.

“When’s the last time you got a hug?”

“I don’t- I don’t know. I think it was Bucky?.”

Tony whistled, “Oh boy.” his hand drew back to run through his hair before dropping down onto Steve’s thigh. “Anytime you need a hug, or anything. Please come find me. I know how much feeling like that sucks and I dealt with it before I met Pepper and Rhodey. So please, next time it gets uncomfortable or too much and you need someone to touch you, come find me.”

“Alright,” it was dangerous to agree to, but who was he to refuse? “Alright.”

\-------

Time passed, and with each hug, each talk, each night, Steve felt himself fall deeper in love with Tony Stark. Yet despite knowing that everything between them was platonic, Tony came off as such, he never wanted it to end.

Tony also must have said something to the team because as the weeks passed, physical affection seemed to increase tenfold. More shoulder nudges, more high fives, and even hugs.

After one particular dangerous mission, Steve had came in, beaten up, only to get quickly pulled into a hug by Natasha.

“If you do something dangerous like that again. I’m melting your shield down and turning it into a bracelet.”

_Don’t do that, I care about you._

He smiled and hugged her back, “I got it.”

Thor eventually came back from Asgard, and when he did, he pulled everyone into a big group hug.

Needless to say, it was getting better. Yet the buzz, duller than ever, was still everpresent.

After a year of living together, Tony, claiming that it was for “team bonding” enacted weekly movie nights. They would pop 3-4 bags of popcorn, crash on the couches and bean bags on the floor, and watch whatever movie was next on Steve’s list.

Slowly but surely, as they grew from a team to a family, Steve’s heart warmed. He started to feel like he fit in more, less out of place. He still missed Peggy and Bucky everyday, but this was his family now. A genius who you didn’t want to piss off, a woman who despite her small stature was terrifying, a man who never missed a target but would seemingly never hit the mark with his jokes, a god who costed them many many repair bills, and a snarky billionaire who hid so much behind a suit of armour, real and metaphorical, but cared so deeply.

A snarky billionaire who had passed out half way through the movie.

On Steve’s _shoulder_ no less.

Steve, being the weak, weak man he is, wrapped his arm around Tony and pulled him closer. Tony settled, and snuggled into Steve, blinking open for a moment.

“You’re a goddamn furnace. Don’t wake me again.”

And promptly passed out again.

It was late, Clint and Bruce both already asleep on the couch they had shared. Natasha and Thor were still awake, talking quietly. The lights were dim, and the movie, Forrest Gump, was playing softly in the background. Satisfied, Steve rested, tugged Tony closer, and kept watching.

When the credits hit, Natasha was already waking up a snoring Clint as Thor was carefully picking up Bruce.

“I shall bring the Doctor to bed and then return to Asgard. Goodnight my friends.”

The ones who were awake muttered a few “nights” to the god as he disappeared down the hall.

“Tashaaa,” Clint whined as Natasha literally dragged him by his foot onto the floor. There was a loud thud as his head hit the ground. The archer winced and rubbed the back of his head.

The spy only rolled her eyes, “Get off your ass birdbrain, I’m not tucking you into bed like a little kid.”

Grumbling, he got up and trudged to his room that he stayed in when he wasn’t off doing whatever he did when he wasn’t there.

She turned to Steve, “Need help with him?” She had a look on her face that he couldn’t place, but didn’t ask.

“No, I got it,” he responded with a smile.

“Okay. Get some rest, have a good night Steve.” With a final smile, she vanished into the hall.

Sliding his other arm under Tony’s legs, he pulled him up, and started walking in the direction of the elevator. A few minutes later and he was depositing Tony into his bed. Just as he turned to pull away, Tony’s eyes blinked open and glared as his hand shot out to grip onto Steve’s arm.

“I told you NOT to wake me up. As punishment you have to stay here, Mr. Touch Starved.”

Steve smiled and laughed warmly, shifting so that Tony had some blankets over him. “Stay here? And where would I sleep.”

Patting the bed next to him, the other man looked up. He looked only half awake which was proven by his yawn and drooping eyelids. “Get in the bed, Rogers.”

“Tony-”

“Get. In. The. Goddamn. Bed.”

“I can’t-”

“You can-”

“-because I’m wear-”

“-because I say so-”

“-ing jeans and-”

“Jesus Steve, take your jeans off.”

Steve couldn’t stop the blush that consumed his face. “Excuse me?” so what if his voice cracked? There were no witnesses and a half-asleep half-awake Tony Stark didn’t count.

“I have extra pyjama pants in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Just put a pair of those on and lay in the fucking bed. Trying to cuddle you is too much work, Jesus Christ.”

So Tony’s goal here was to get him to cuddle with Steve, and sleep in the same bed. This man was going to kill Steve Rogers one day.

“Fine, fine alright, I’ll be right back.”

So he left to change, and if he did it faster than he’s ever done, well, who’s to blame him?

When he walked back into the room he was surprised to see that Tony was still awake, sitting up, and more awake than before. He was glaring at the ceiling but looked over at Steve when he came in.

“Good you’re back. The last time you were cuddled was about the same as last time you were hugged, correct?”

“Sure, give or take a few months before the war.”

“Coolio, well time to change that. Starting tonight, I claim myself as your cuddle buddy. Rhodey was mine, now I’m going to be yours. Get in the bed.”

Steve just wish it was a different circumstance where Tony was telling him to get in the bed. Not that this was bad, though. He didn’t really mind this either.

Without hesitation, he climbed in. Instantly Tony latched onto him like an octopus and was asleep in seconds.

“Night, Steve.”

“Night, Tony.”

\-----

One night turned to a few weeks. They either ended up in Steve’s bed, or Tony’s. The nightmares didn’t end, but this time they were there instantly when they happened. And slowly, the need to have physical affection wasn’t as intense as before. It had mellowed into a different longing.

Each night he imagined leaning over and pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead, cheek, neck, top of his head, and… lips. But he couldn’t, because he couldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose the easy flow of conversation with Tony, the content feeling he got when it was late at night and they were still up talking and laughing, the smiles Tony sent him, the lazy days spent in Tony’s lab, sketching, the friendly banter during missions, the mornings where Tony would dance and lip sync while cooking and sliding around the kitchen in his socks, the teasing. He would miss the early mornings with the sun filtering through the windows onto Tony, the dazed happy look he would get when he’d first wake up, the warmth of his body, his messy bed head, his soft laugh Steve had never heard him give anyone but him, and the truths they would tell each other. He couldn’t give it up.

So he shoved his feelings down and ignored them.

Which worked surprisingly well until Bucky showed up as the Winter Soldier. Then the other shoe dropped. The team got Bucky back, with the help of War Machine and a new recruit, Falcon.

Needless to say once Bucky had been given the ok, Steve hadn’t left his side. He helped Bucky settle into his own room, on the same floor as Steve’s, rushed in to help when Bucky had a nightmare, helping how Tony helped him, and even got Bucky settled in the new century. Steve saw the symptoms, noticing them from when he dealt with them, and as did Tony. Bucky was touch starved as well. So he took that on the same way Tony had done it with him.

Tony soon grew distant. He would zone out, and then flash Steve with that fake smile that he hated so much. His jaw would clench around Bucky or whenever Bucky was brought up. It made sense if Tony was mad at Bucky, Steve reasoned, because of how his parents died. Eventually, Tony stopped calling him Steve, resulting to just “Rogers” or “Captain” or even “Capsicle” “Mr. America”. Then, he stopped showing up for bed. He would be blasting music or down in his workshop whenever Steve came to see him.

It hurt. Physically. Each time it felt like a punch to the gut, a knife to the heart.

“It’s me, Stevie,” Bucky said one night, when Steve poured his heart out.

Shaking his head, he denied it, “No. It has to do with me. You never did anything.”

Bucky’s face turned strange, “You’re such an idiot, Steven Grant Rogers. Look, tomorrow, I’m going to go talk to Tony alright? But after that, you need to stop devoting so much of your life to me. I’m not worth it, and-” he paused, looking like this pained him to say it, “I appreciate it, but I don’t need you as much as he does.”

The next day he was cornered by Natasha and Clint. He was sitting there, innocently eating his oatmeal, when they slammed their hands on the table, looking at him with the scariest glares he had ever seen. Hawkeye held that calculating look, the one he used when looking for the best target. It was such a foreign look. This wasn't the Clint he was used to. This was Hawkeye.

“Steven,” Black Widow growled.

He gulped.

Her red hair framed her face like fire, and the cold glint in her eyes held no room for argument. “Do you understand how much of a dumbass you are?” she practically yelled. “You need to cut the bullshit and talk to Tony, now. If not for you but the sake of your team. I get that the super soldier serum was supposed to make you enhanced but I didn’t expect you to be this fucking blind. Talk to him, or I’m going to hack into JARVIS’s systems and lock you on your floor until you do.”  

She stalked off with a final glare.

He turned to Hawkeye.

“I won’t threaten you like she did, I think you get the gist, but,” the archer’s features softened, “man, he deserves better than this.”

Steve looked down at the table, “I honestly don’t know what I did.”

“Oh I don’t know. 6ft something tall, metal arm, long hair, grouchy expression, rhymes with Lucky, you two are attached to the hip like you guys are dating.”

“But we’re not!” Steve cried, “Bucky he’s- he’s my brother. He’s my best friend. I’m not in love with him.”

“Tony doesn’t know that.”

“Why does it matter to him anyway? Even if I told him I love him, it wouldn’t change anything."

Clint pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ. Fuck you two really are so dense. Listen, Cap,” he bridged his hands together, “Go down to the workshop, use your overcode key for the lock, and talk to Tony. Make sure you’re clear okay? Clear COMMUNICATION. Remember that.”

Clint stood, patted Steve on the back, and finished with, “Go get him, tiger.”

Abandoning his oatmeal, he left for Tony’s workshop. On the way down, he passed Bucky, who smiled and said, “Good luck.”

“JARVIS?”

“Yes sir?”

“Override Key Star Spangled Banner.”

“Right away Captain.”

The door clicked open, and he entered.

And was face to face with Tony Stark.

“Great so terminator wasn’t wrong you really were going to break in here. Alright well, you want to talk, talk.”

Taking a deep breath, Steve looked Tony straight into his eyes, and poured out everything he wanted to say.“I’m so sorry that I upset you. I don’t- I don’t really understand how, but I know it had something to do with my closeness with Bucky. I’m sorry if you felt like I was putting priority over him. I want you to know that you mean so much more than he does. He’s my best friend, I love him, but I’m not _in_ love with him.”

“Yeah I know that much, Barnes came down and explained you two weren’t together,” Tony deflected, like he always did, dismissing Steve. “Look you’re all set. I accept yadda yadda yadda, now go. I got work to do.”

This wasn’t going to plan, there was still a rift. “No.”

Tony paused, turned, and raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere until you hear everything I have to say.” He planted his feet, rolled back his shoulders, and declared, “I love you Tony Stark. I’m in love with you.” Tony’s eyes widened, and he stumbled back, but Steve wasn’t done. “I’m pretty sure it was that first night I came to your room. You let me in, didn’t push, you talked and talked and let me stay despite the fact it was late. Ever since that night, no matter what you were doing or what time it was you let me in and let me stay. You took my mind off things and when I was at my weakest, you didn’t mock, you didn’t deny me. You shared. You trusted me. You told me your own weaknesses your own past. You were the first one to open up to me. And then- and then I fell for you. I fell for the way your eyes get bright with excitement when you have a new project, I fell for your laugh whenever I did anything embarrassing, I fell for your smile whenever I teased back. I fell for the way you cared for me. You gave me a name for what I felt, and you didn’t push away. You helped me through it, longer than you needed to. I love you, and I’ve been so scared to ruin what we have. I didn’t want to lose you. I’m sorry.”

Tony stared at him for a good minute before, in a flash, he was right in front of Steve. “You’re such a fucking idiot Steve Rogers. I’m in love with you too.” Then there were lips pressing against his, hands gripping his shirt. He stumbled back as Tony pushed him against a wall. Eagerly, he kissed back, deepening it and pouring everything he felt into it. They pulled back to catch their breaths for a minute before coming together again. After a few minutes of kissing, Tony pulled back and rested his head on Steve’s chest. Both of them were panting. Smiling, Steve leaned his head against the wall, and hugged Tony closer. “Guess I really was being an idiot.”

“Last time you were kissed?”

Steve laughed, “God, not since World War Two. But I think we need to make sure it doesn’t get so distant again.”

“Yeah,” Tony hummed, “yeah we can do that.”

And he leaned up once more.

\----

When the others walked in on Tony sitting on Steve’s lap on the couch later, they weren’t surprised. Instead they smiled, and let the two have peace

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
